Fairy Tale
by mcobsessed007
Summary: He's supposed to be marrying you right now. You're finally supposed to get your fairy tale ending. Fairy tales don't end in flames and broken dreams.
1. Terrible Trials

**Just saw the finale (yes, I know, a few days late) and although I know Castle's alive and they'll get their happy ending at some point, I desperately needed to write something once I saw the look on Beckett's face at the very end. As Andrew Marlowe has said in his many interviews, this is an epic love story, and I wanted to capture both how much Kate Beckett loves her husband-to-be and how destroyed her world would be without him in it.**

"_Every fairy tale has them — terrible trials that only the worthy can transcend. But we can't give up. That's the deal — we want the happy ending, we can't give up." –Richard Castle_

This is supposed to be your special day. You and the love of your life are finally going to commit to spending the rest of your lives together. You're wearing your mother's wedding dress, his mother's earrings. People are gathered on the lawn for the ceremony. Everything is ready. This is supposed to be a dream come true.

Instead, you're in a nightmare you can't wake up from. Castle's car is on the side of the road, engulfed in flames, and you're somehow too grief-stricken to fall apart. Instead of screaming and sobbing, all you can do is stare at the car with tears in your eyes, and wonder how this is happening. He's supposed to be marrying you right now. You're finally supposed to get your fairy tale ending. Fairy tales don't end in flames and broken dreams.

You vaguely notice the arrival of firefighters, but you know they're too late. They tackle the flames anyway, but you're too busy reliving his last words to you. _I love you_. Could he have known it would be your last conversation? You told him that you loved him too, but why didn't you add more? There is so much you have left to tell him, so many more experiences you need to share with him.

Suddenly, you realize someone is trying to get your attention. A firefighter informs you that they can't find a body in the car. Okay, you think. That's a detail about the crash. But you don't want to focus on the crash. You want to hear Castle's words again and again.

_There's no body in the car_. His body couldn't have completely burned up by now, which means….

"He's alive?" you ask, hope sneaking back into your heart. Could he still be alive? Can you still get your happy ending? Is the most amazing man in the world still living and breathing? Is he still alive?

You find out that they can't find a body anywhere. It's almost as if, the police officers and firefighters tell you, someone just left a burning car on the side of the road.

He's alive. He's alive. Someone took him and set his car on fire, but he's alive!

Someone took him and set his car on fire. Someone kidnapped your fiancé while he was on his way to marry you. Castle is gone. This is a deserted area. There's almost no chance that any witnesses saw the abduction, and you have no idea how to find him.

You hear more cars pulling up, and you're suddenly surrounded by your father and Lanie and Martha and Ryan and Espo and _Alexis_. You turn to the young woman who's supposed to already be your step-daughter and, wrapping your arms around her, tell her that her father wasn't in the car, and that he's still alive somewhere.

Hours later, you're sitting together in the living room trying to figure out what happened. Well, Ryan, Espo, Lanie, and Alexis are. You're thinking about the 300 people who were told the wedding was off because the groom had been in an accident. You're thinking about the caterer and photographer and musicians who packed up and left. You're thinking about the wedding cake that's sitting in the kitchen, because the caterer didn't want to take back a cake that was already for Kate and Rick. You're thinking about the dress and the earrings upstairs, because you couldn't wear them anymore. You're thinking about how you were so happy just a few hours ago.

But mostly, you're thinking about him. Are his abductors hurting him? Is he being tortured for information or money? Are they starving him? Is he scared? Is he thinking of you, just as you thought of him to get through your own abduction? Wherever he is, can he feel your love and concern?

Your father is sitting next to you with his arms around you. Does he feel every day like you felt when you first got to the crash, like his entire life is over? Martha is on your other side, holding your hand, not speaking. Alexis seems determined to focus on saving her father so that she doesn't have to face her grief and terror. And your friends are trying to come up with any theory, their pale faces and red eyes indicating how important this is to them.

And you're grateful to everyone for being here. You can see their suffering, and it's another reason you hope Castle comes back to you soon. But you can't help but think that after some time, if nothing happens, they will be able to continue. Their lives will be changed for the worse, but they will still have lives to live.

Your life, on the other hand, is intertwined with Rick Castle's. He's your one and done. He's your fairy tale ending. He's supposed to be the first person you see in the morning and last you see at night, for the rest of your life. Your life makes no sense, has no meaning, if he's not there to share it with you. You, who once wished he would just get out of your precinct, can no longer live without him. He has to come back to you, because the world is a darker place without him in it, because so many people need and love him, because he is your other half. He has to come back to you because he's the one who gets you through your grief, because he sees it as his job to protect you and take care of you and make you smile, because your heart is in a thousand pieces and you don't know how to put it back together without his help.

He has to come back to you because this day is supposed to be everything you've both dreamed of, and it's turned into your worst nightmare.

**Thanks for reading! I'm planning on writing at least one more chapter, about Castle's return, so stay tuned.**


	2. We Can't Give Up

**You asked nicely for another chapter, so here it is! I'm still trying to see how Kate Beckett deals with her emotions, deals with the pain of not knowing where Castle is, so here's another heavy update.**

You can't believe you were once able to survive whole summers without seeing or speaking to Castle. It's been two years since you went a day without at least a phone call from him.

Your wedding day was nearly three weeks ago, and your world is a disaster. There's been no sign of Castle anywhere, nothing hinting at who took him or why. The honeymoon is supposed to be winding down (although when have you ever known Rick Castle to wind down?), and you haven't even exchanged your vows. Gates has given you the time off anyway, because it only takes one look to see that you're in no shape to be a top NYPD detective right now. You, Alexis, and Martha take turns reminding each other to eat, but the three of you mainly pick at your food and then you go back to talking or crying or sitting in that haunting silence.

You can't sleep either. You lie awake at night, in the bed you share with the man who's supposed to be your husband, falling asleep around dawn. Most of the time, you just can't sleep, but you also don't want to, because if you sleep, you'll dream.

The dreams, really the nightmares, are no relief from the nightmare you're living. Sometimes, you wake up crying, because you've seen him being tortured, because you've witnessed his death, because you've heard him screaming for you. Sometimes, though, there are happy dreams, but the happy dreams are almost worse than the nightmares. As you sleep, you marry him, you solve cases with him, you raise a family together, and in the morning, you wake up smiling, and when you realize you're alone, you have to remember all over again.

You spend your days holding Alexis, who's given into her emotions and sobs for her father, and listening to Ryan and Esposito, who have found very little but feel compelled to share it anyway, and thinking about him. Remembering every single moment you've shared together, wondering where he is, hoping for a future with him. You're surprisingly uninvolved in this case, because you're too sad and tired and worried to come up with anything, and because every time you try, Castle is right there handing you coffee and suggesting that the abductors are aliens or zombies, and you suddenly can't speak. Because you don't really care whether he's been taken by Bracken or 3XK or a gang or someone new entirely. You just want him to come home to you.

And because until Castle's found, there's nothing you can do to protect him. He insisted on looking through all of Michael Smith's files because otherwise he wouldn't be able to protect you, and he tried to take you to Canada to make sure you'd be safe. You understand that now, more than ever. Someone has taken him away, may be hurting him at this very moment, and you have no idea how to save him. You're one of the most successful detectives in the city and you don't know how to solve the most important case of your life. You've put away so many murderers and you don't even know if your fiancé is still alive.

Sometimes, a small part of you hopes that it's already over, that they killed him quickly. Your life will be over if Richard Castle is dead, and you'll have to make sure Alexis grows up to become more than her father's murder, but if he's dead, he's not suffering. He's not screaming in pain, screaming for you to come save him, like he does in your dreams. He's not sitting in a cell somewhere, tied up, knowing that all of you are in pain and that he can't get to you. You love Rick so much that you hope he's dead.

But at other times, your imagination wanders into the future, where you and Castle have a family (you still think it's reasonable to just see what happens with one, he wants four). You try to think of other things, to not picture so much happiness, because it's too hard, but you can hear him telling you not to give up, to have hope. You can hear him telling you that the two of you will get through this, that something good will come out of this tragedy.

So, for a few moments every day, you try to have hope. You try to imagine a day when you're wearing Rick Castle's ring on your finger and holding his child in your arms. You think about how happy you'll be when you finally get him back.

And so you spend every day torn between grief and hope, between nightmares and dreams, between murder mysteries (which led him to you in the first place) and fairy tales (which he's turned your life into).

**Thanks for reading! Question: I'm not entirely sure where to go with this story. I can write another chapter or two and quickly give them the happy ending they deserve, or I can draw it out and make it a Caskett tale of a difficult situation (but with Castle in the picture!) which becomes to a journey to get back to where they were when they hung up the phone and a powerful love story. Let me know what you think!**


	3. That's The Deal

**So sorry for the delay! Real life decided to get in the way, and then I had to figure out exactly where I was going with this. I really think the person who grabbed Castle and set his car on fire is 3XK. It seems like something he would do. However, I'm not Andrew Marlowe, so 1) I have to wait until September to see if I'm right. 2) I do not have the ability to write that storyline, so there are basically no details involved in finding out where Castle is. Anyway, read on!**

After another week, the three of you decide that even if you can't continue your lives without Castle, at the very least you need to get off the couch and leave the loft. Martha goes back to her studio every so often, Alexis works (on a reduced schedule) at her summer internship, and you head back to the precinct. And you all agree that it doesn't lessen your worry or grief at all, but you get a few hours without having to wonder where and how he is.

Except that you can't not think about him. You throw yourself into the case you're working on with Ryan and Esposito, who are watching you carefully, but you keep waiting for him to bring you coffee, to offer a theory, to come to the same conclusion at the same time. Sometimes you're even surprised for a minute that he's not there. And then you have to remember all over again. You have to remember that you don't know where he is or who took him. You have to remember that all around you are people who want the same answers. You have to remember that you're going to go home to Alexis and Martha, your family, who are going through the very same thing. You have to remember that the wedding never happened, that you're still not Richard Castle's wife (but you've started wearing your engagement ring everywhere, just to feel a tiny bit of his presence). You have to remember that you're not sure if you'll ever see your husband-to-be again.

There are, of course, people who are looking for Castle. The NYPD is working hard, because he's a New York resident and because he's very much one of their own. There are even FBI agents involved, because this is clearly a serious kidnapping. But there have been no leads.

And then one afternoon, you're staring at the murder board, trying to figure out if the murderer is the victim's brother-in-law or employee, when you hear someone yelling, "We figured it out! We know where he is!" And you and the boys throw on your vests and hurry to Ryan's car. As Ryan speeds through the city, following the cops' directions, you pick up your phone, ready to call Alexis and Martha, ready to share the good news. But you change your mind and put it away. This may not really be the place. He might not be alive when you get there. Why get their hopes up for nothing?

You know that Ryan and Espo, sitting up front, are discussing the details of Castle's kidnapping, going through everything the investigators figured out. It's a blur to you. You'll find out the details later, after you've held him and kissed him and ascertained that he's really come back to you.

The only detail which sticks out is that this seems to be linked to 3XK. Not a surprise at all. He grabbed Castle on the happiest day of your lives, to punish both of you…wait. Last time his goal was to kill Castle and make you regret for the rest of your life that you couldn't save him.

"Go faster!" you yell, suddenly terrified that his plan has actually worked.

And Ryan, "Castle Jr.," increases his speed without asking any questions. You reach the old, decaying building you've heard your love is being held captive in, and jump out, the boys right behind you, just as a SWAT team comes out and informs you that the building seems empty.

It can't be empty. He has to be there. It's been a month since you've had any contact with Castle and you don't think you can survive another day. The three of you pull out your guns and go in, accompanied by police officers.

Everything above the ground floor is blocked off for reconstruction, so, your heart thumping in your chest, you begin checking every room, every nook and cranny, on this floor. It's empty and silent.

"Castle," you shout, unable to handle this anymore.

And there's a muffled reply.

You find a locked room, kick the door open, and there he is. Castle is right in front of you. He's on the floor, and he's clearly been through a lot, but he's there. And he's alive.

"Rick," you whisper, running across the room and throwing your arms around him. You can feel the tears running down your cheeks as you hold him tightly. "I'm so glad you're okay," you tell him. "I was so scared I would never see you again. I love you so, so much."

At first, you're too busy hugging him to notice anything. But slowly, you sense Ryan and Espo behind you, surprisingly tense. You can tell that Castle's lost weight. And you realize that he hasn't wrapped his arms around you. In fact, he hasn't responded at all.

You pull back, still keeping your hands on him, because you need to make sure that he's really there. He's staring at you, and you meet his gaze. There's no love in his eyes. He doesn't seem ecstatic to see you. You wonder what's wrong, wonder if Jerry Tyson did something really terrible to him, and you whisper his name again.

And, to your horror, the person who knows you better than anyone else in the world asks, "Who are you?"

"Rick. Rick, it's me, it's Kate. Remember? We're madly in love and we were about to get married when this happened? You write books based on me, we fight for justice together, and we sometimes just lie in bed gazing into each other's eyes. Don't you remember?" you want to cry out. Instead, you ask, in the calmest tone you can muster, "Do you know who you are?"

"I'm Rick Castle. I woke up in this room a few days ago and I've been trapped here ever since."

"It's okay buddy, we've got you," Ryan says reassuringly, as he and Espo kneel beside the two of you. "You're safe now. We're going to get you to a hospital and you're going to be fine."

He looks at the three of you, obviously confused. "Has someone contacted my family? Do they know I'm okay?"

It feels like someone just punched you in the stomach. He knows his name, he knows he has a family, but he doesn't know who you are.

Seeing that you can't speak, Espo takes over. "We'll contact them right away. Can you tell us about your family? Do you remember their names?"

And for just a second, you forget your joy that you've found him, that he's alive, when he answers, "Yes. I have a daughter, Alexis. And a wife, Meredith."

**Please, please don't hate me! Andrew says there's going to be something that comes up when Castle is found that results in Caskett having to deal with some stuff instead of heading straight to the wedding, and amnesia made the most sense to me. I was originally going to make him lose his entire memory, but according to my very basic research, that's much rarer than only losing a few years (and I wanted this to be at least slightly realistic), and I really, really want to see what happens when Beckett has to deal with a Castle who's still in love with Meredith and is crazy and immature.**

**Let me know what you think!**


	4. Every Fairy Tale

**I'm so so so sorry I haven't updated in a while. Life decided to get in the way again, and I spent some time trying to figure out if I was going to continue with this path. I got some reviews from both sides, but eventually I decided to keep going with Castle's amnesia. I'm really sorry if you don't like that idea.**

**This one's from Castle's POV:**

There's noise and confusion all around you and you can feel yourself being lifted into the air. You try to take a deep breath and you tell yourself that the people around you seem to be the good guys. Some of them even seem to be medical personnel, and you realize that you're being carried on a stretcher. They all seem to be happy to see you, and the woman who hugged you is right there. Even though you have no idea who she is or why she hugged you, why she told you _that she loves you_, she seems to know who you are and she seems kind, so you decide to ask her your questions.

"Where am I? What happened to me?" you whisper.

She's been very shaken and quiet ever since you asked who she was, but apparently some of the fear and confusion going on inside your head is apparent, because the despair in her eyes is replaced with concern and something else, and her voice is stronger now, and yet very gentle.

"You're going to be okay, Rick," she says. "You're in Manhattan. You're safe."

They carry you outside and load you into an ambulance. You feel a little calmer due to the decrease in noise and people and due to her words, but you still have so many questions left.

"But what happened? Was I kidnapped? Where's my family? Do they know where I am? Who are you? Why don't I remember-"

She takes your hand in both of hers and her touch somehow feels familiar, reassuring. "I'm Kate," she says quietly, as the ambulance starts to pull away, sirens blaring. "Everything's going to be fine. All you need to remember right now is that you're okay and I'm Kate and I'm here to protect you."

You still don't understand what's going on, and you still don't know who she is or how she knows you, but one of the EMTs has just put a needle in your arm and you start to feel tired, so you simply focus on holding her hand. Whoever this Kate is, she makes you feel safe. The last thing you see before your eyes close is her face. She's smiling at you and her eyes are full of tears. Your last conscious thought is that you can't tell if the tears are happy or sad.

When you wake up, you're surrounded by several women, and you can't help but wonder if you're in some kind of fantasy, especially since two are holding your hands. Then you blink a few times and see who they are.

On one side is your mother (so it's definitely not a fantasy), who somehow looks a few years older. When she sees that you're awake, she bursts into tears and gently kisses your forehead. Your hand is being held by a young woman next to her. She too has red hair, and she looks a lot like a younger version of Meredith.

"Hi," she breathes, beaming at you and squeezing your hand as though she's never going to let go. You still can't figure out who she is. Why do you seem to know all of these unfamiliar women? You're faithful to Meredith, and you've been in a relationship with her for the past four years. You look more closely at the woman, who actually now looks more like a teenager, and you're struck by the ridiculous thought that she looks like an older version of your daughter. Confused, you look to your left, where, to your surprise, Kate is still holding your hand.

"Who are you? Mother, where are my wife and daughter?"

The pretty redhead lets out a cry but still hangs onto your hand. Your mother gasps and sinks down onto a chair. Kate lets go of your hand, comes around your bed, and puts an arm around the young woman, who gapes at you, tears running down her cheeks.

Kate gazes at you for a minute and finally says, "Rick…you seem to have a head injury…and we think it may have affected your memory."

Your memory? You have a very good memory. What is she saying?

But even Kate's news can't prepare you for what comes next. The girl still holding your hand says quietly, "Daddy, it's me. It's Alexis."

You sit up in shock, barely realizing that your mother is helping you as you stare at this person who claims to be Alexis. Now you see that it's true, that she really does look like an older version of Alexis and a younger version of Meredith. But-

"But Alexis is two. How can you be Alexis?"

She begins to cry harder, as Kate and your mother both surround her. You realize three things: that your mother does look older, so perhaps you have actually forgotten a few years (but you'll get back to that disturbing thought later), that the girl is still holding your hand, the way _a daughter_ would, and that her eyes are the same eyes you've gazed lovingly into every day for two years.

"Alexis…" you whisper, and she looks up at you. You look at her for another minute, unable to speak, and then, finally, you squeeze her hand back and breathe, "Look at you. You're so beautiful." Looking at your mother, you manage to say teasingly, "Didn't I tell you she'd grow up to be a beauty, Mother?"

And even though the perfect person you somehow created has grown several feet and lost all her baby fat and can probably count to more than twenty, she's still your little girl, so you let go of her hand and open your arms wide. She climbs onto the bed and hugs you tightly. You're sore, but you're also her father, so you wrap your arms around her and kiss her head.

After a few minutes, her sobs subside and she pulls back. You wipe a tear off her face, and open your mouth to speak, and you realize that you have absolutely no idea what to say to your daughter. She looks like she could be in college, so you probably don't read Dr. Seuss to her anymore, and your conversations are presumably a little more sophisticated now. But she speaks first, and says, "I'm so happy you're okay Dad. I was so worried."

_Dad_. Now you know Alexis isn't your baby girl anymore. You decide to focus on the other words she's said, and ask, "What do you mean? Have I been gone all these years."

"No," Kate responds. You've forgotten she and your mother are still there. Your family must know Kate, because your mother is holding her hand. They both seem a little sad. "You've been gone about five weeks," she continues. "But you've forgotten about eighteen years."

Eighteen years. Wow, sounds like something you might write about. Detective finds kidnapped man who escapes death but forgets nearly two decades of his life. Maybe you'll share that idea with Meredith at some point. Wait, where is Meredith?

"Alexis, where's your mother?"

The atmosphere in the room is suddenly tense, and your mother puts a hand on your shoulder before informing you that you and Meredith have been divorced for fifteen years. When you ask what happened, you see Kate exchange a quick glance with Mother before answering that things weren't working out, and you both decided it would be best for everyone if you got divorced.

Whoa, okay. A lot of questions are forming about what was behind that glance, and if Meredith ever sees Alexis, and so many others, but there's one burning question that you _have_ to ask.

"How do you know this? I still don't know who you are."

Kate takes a deep breath and holds out her left hand. There's a…there's a diamond ring on her finger.

"I'm your fiancée Rick. You were kidnapped on your way to our wedding."


	5. But We Can't

**HAPPY CASTLE PREMIERE DAY! And sorry this took so long. Next one should be up soon. And at some point, hopefully, this is going to stop being so angsty.**

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

You step into a large closet and slam the door, let out a cry. He doesn't know you. He still loves Meredith. He doesn't know she cheated on him. He doesn't remember Alexis growing up. He doesn't remember driving to your wedding. He doesn't remember you, as his friend, partner, muse (because yes, you've caved and he calls you that sometimes), or wife-to-be. He doesn't know that he once begged you not to risk your life because he loved you. He doesn't know that he's so devoted to you that he stayed with you while you were standing on a bomb seconds away from going off.

As far as Castle is concerned – actually, he's probably not used to being called by his last name – as far as Rick is concerned, he's still in love with Meredith. And you can't figure out what hurts most: That he doesn't remember knowing or loving you, that you have to fight _Meredith_, the woman who didn't deserve to be Mrs. Castle, for his love, that he and Alexis will have to talk about her age and her absent mother, or that at some point, you or someone else (but it can't really be anyone else) will have to tell Rick that his wife cheated on him and left their daughter. Maybe the worst part, actually, is the lost intimacy of your relationship. You won't be able to hold Castle's hand or kiss him as he goes through this. Having you by his side isn't going to make this any easier for him. He's probably going to be too overwhelmed to even think about being in a relationship.

_Our partnership, our relationship, is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me._

That's what you wrote to him, months ago, when you thought he might lose you. And now, you realize, at least for the time being, this relationship doesn't exist. You've been spending five weeks imagining his return, imagining his arms around you, imagining yourselves jumping right back to where you left off.

Sometimes, you've known Castle might not come back to you. But it never occurred to you that only a part of him would come back.

You can hear someone sobbing. Oh. You're sobbing, tears running down your face, as you take in what's happening, and you're sitting on the floor. You try to remind yourself that Castle's alive, that everything is going to be okay. Except when he looked at you just now, there was no love in his eyes, only confusion. You've lost your mother, and you almost lost your father. You've been through painful breakups, and you've watched Castle walk away with other women. You've spent the past five weeks not knowing if he would ever come back to you. And yet you've never felt so alone.

Enough. Time to get up, to see how Alexis and Martha are holding up, if everyone else has heard, if the doctor has any good news, how Castle is feeling. You sigh, and then, with great effort, stand up, wipe your cheeks, and open the door.

Martha is standing right outside, and without a word, she pulls you into her arms. You tell yourself not to start crying again, as your almost mother-in-law hugs you tightly, but it's no use.

After a few moments, she says, "Katherine darling, even if Richard never regains his memory, he'll fall in love with you all over again. I was there every step of the way when he fell for you the first time, and a little memory loss isn't going to make him find you any less admirable or beautiful or amazing."

You pull back and give her a small smile, the best you can manage. Somehow, she always knows what to say, just like her son. Speaking of-

"Let's see if he and Alexis are still discussing her childhood," you say, heading back towards Castle's room. "And Martha, you should talk to him. You're the only one of us he remembers."

Martha suddenly looks sad. "Our relationship in 2014 is much stronger than it was in 1996. I wasn't always there for him when he was growing up. We became closer once he was raising his own child, and I got a second chance to help out." Her eyes fill with tears. "Oh Kate, what are we going to do about Alexis? Richard is the only person who's been with Alexis her entire life, and now she almost has a different father, one she barely remembers.

"And my poor boy," she continues. "He was finally going to get everything he wanted, and then someone dragged him away and did something so awful to him that he's forgotten nearly twenty years of his life, and now he's going to have to work so hard to get it back."

That's what hurts her, you realize. That her son has suffered, and will have to suffer more if he wants to regain his happiness. Is that what motherhood is about? Grieving for your child's lost joy? You'll have to remember that.

_Of course_, a small voice points out, _there's a chance you'll never get to be a mother, or a wife, that Rick Castle will never love you again._

You try to push away that distressing thought as you reach Castle's room. Through the window, you can see him smiling at Alexis, his arm around her as she tells him some story. He looks like the same Castle, he smiles like him, he gazes adoringly at his daughter just as your Castle does. Maybe, maybe, maybe 2014 Rick Castle is still there under the surface, and you'll just have to dig him out.

Or, you promise yourself, you'll make this man trust and love you all over again.

**Thanks for reading!**

**For anyone who might be so kind as to leave a comment: I know most comments are "good job!" or "terrible writing" or "what happens next?" or "stop making us wait so long for updates," but just in case, please don't write anything spoilery. I'm spending a few weeks in a country without ABC, so, sadly, I won't be able to watch the new season for a little while.**


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